


Dead Bird Turnabout

by Susumu



Series: The Many Adventures Of Kigurumi Kid [3]
Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23322583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Susumu/pseuds/Susumu
Summary: What started as part of a larger work, now became what will hopefully become a fun parody! When K is set to be sent to bird jail, the only person who can defend her in court is... Snatcher?
Series: The Many Adventures Of Kigurumi Kid [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662427
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Dead Bird Turnabout

(MARCH 23, 10:22 AM  
COURTHOUSE LOBBY)

Today felt like a special day to Snatcher. Today, he had decided to dress up the nicest suit he could possibly find that would fit him. There was a reason for all this, of course- Today Snatcher was going to get to do some lawyering for the first time in several centuries. While he wasn't exactly fond of his client, he felt helping her would be worth his while- She had something he'd been trying to get his hands on for a while now, after all.

Sure enough, there she was, sitting on a bench in the lobby: Kigurumi Kid, a tiny, red-haired girl wearing large glasses and a blue dress. In her hands she was holding what seemed to be some sort of hat, in the shape of a bear's head. She seemed very unhappy that she wasn't allowed to wear it right now. Snatcher made his way up to the girl. "Hey there, kid," he greeted her. "Don't look so gloomy. Today's a big day for you!"

Snatcher hadn't said more than a few words to the girl, and already she was looking up at him in terror. "O-oh! It's... You!" she answered. "You really showed up to help me, didn't you? But... Why? The last time I checked, you wanted to kill me."

Snatcher then put on a fake expression of sadness. "I'm hurt, kid," he responded. "You didn't exactly have much of a choice in this matter, you know. Without someone to defend you, they'd throw you behind bars for sure. Besides, if I help you out, then maybe you can help me out. I can think of one way you can pay me back, at least."

K slumped in her chair. "Terrific," she groaned. "I'm going to bird jail AND losing my soul!"

Snatcher waved a hand. "Kid, you don't have to worry about a thing. You've got me on your side for this case. The chances of you getting locked up are practically zero!"

K narrowed her eyes. "You didn't say anything about not taking my soul."

"No promises, kid," Snatcher answered, picking the child up from her chair. "Now, let's head inside. They can't start the trial without you." K said nothing as she was carried through the courtroom doors. She didn't like it, but he was right. They had to get this over with.

(MARCH 23, 10:30 AM  
COURTROOM #1)

As K was scooped up into the courtroom, she didn't have a chance to look around until Snatcher plopped her down at a bench. An ancient bird with a very stern expression stood at the back of the room. He looked like he ate fun for breakfast, and sometimes even lunch. K figured that he was the judge, which didn't give her much hope for her freedom. Standing across the room from them, at the other bench, was a rather uptight-looking sparrow. He wore a small pair of glasses and a suit that rivaled the one Snatcher was wearing. K looked up at Snatcher and whispered, "Who's that guy?"

Snatcher gave the sparrow an envious, distasteful glare. Could that outfit BE any more excessive? Yeah, that was the problem. He totally wasn't jealous of this guy's suit or anything. "That's the prosecutor, kid," he growled. "The guy trying to prove that you're guilty." He clarified upon seeing the girl's confusion at the word 'prosecutor'.

K didn't have much time to take in what was going on. Before she could say a word, the judge slammed his gavel down,startling her before he finally spoke. "Court is now is session for the trial of Miss Kigurumi."

"Kid! Get up here!" Snatcher whispered to K, who was now hiding under the bench. Once K was back on her feet, he spoke up again. "The defense is ready, Your Honor."

The sparrow spoke without hesitation, clearly unbothered by the judge's demeanor and Snatcher's look of disdain. "The prosecution is ready, Your Honor."

The judge then spoke to the sparrow. "Mr. Clawson, your opening statement, if you please."

Clawson placed a wing on the bench and began to speak. "On March 18th at 9:00 PM, Dead Bird Studios suffered due to a major break-in. The results of this were several cases of theft and severe property damage. Unfortunately, the only description of the culprit anyone was able to offer was a young, yellow-eyed human girl wearing a hood. The defendant, Miss Kigurumi, was the only person of that description who would have had access to the studio at that time. During this trial, the prosecution will present evidence that points to the defendant as the culprit."

The judge barely blinked at that exposition. "Very well. Let us move on to the testimonies." He then turned to Snatcher. "Please call the first witness to the stand."

Snatcher had already prepared for this. There was one bird, that, judging from the way K talked about him, she had likely never left his side the whole time she was at the studio. "The defense calls Mr.... DJ Grooves to the stand." He felt ridiculous just saying his name out loud.

As silly as this sounded, the person Snatcher called forward was in fact real- And his outfit was even more ridiculous to Snatcher than Clawson's. The penguin stepped up, or rather danced up, and took his place at the stand. He waved at K as soon as he saw her, but the judge was already glaring at him. K didn't even know it was possible to scowl with a beak. "The witness will refrain from senseless dancing," he snapped. "You are here to give us your testimony."

"Mr. Grooves," Snatcher began to speak as he tried to keep his composure. "Please tell us everything you know about the night of March 18th."

"Of course, Mr. Snatcher," Grooves replied. "And just how could I forget? That was the night of the awards ceremony."

"HOLD IT!"

At the sound of Snatcher's shout, the sound of someone's terrified voice could be heard in the crowd of observers. All eyes turned to the only non-bird in the crowd, an orange-and-white cat who also wore glasses. "...Ah! I-I'm terribly sorry!" she apologized. "D-does he have to do that? I'm on edge as it is already."

The judge then turned his glare to Snatcher. "Mr. Snatcher, kindly refrain from unnecessarily frightening anyone not involved in the case," he said.

Well, where was the fun in that? Then again, if he kept this up, there was no way K would ever win this case. "Of course, Your Honor," Snatcher answered, hiding his reluctance. "Please elaborate on this awards ceremony, Mr. Grooves."

Grooves seemed surprised by this. "I thought everyone knew, sir," he began. "The Bird Movie Awards is only the biggest event in bird movie history! In fact, I know exactly where the little darling was that entire night! She wanted to show up to the ceremony to congratulate this year's winner. She only felt it was right, since she DID star in all the movies herself."

"ALL of the movies?" Snatcher asked. "Surely you weren't the only one competing for this award."

"Oh no, I wasn't," Grooves answered. "That K girl is such a sweetheart, she offered to star in Conductor's movies too. She thought that if she did, it would make it more of a fair contest. Human actresses are hard to come by around here, you know!"

Snatcher nodded. "Please continue, Mr. Grooves. Give us all the events of that night."

Grooves then continued his testimony. "Well, the little K darling showed up to the awards ceremony. She was hoping I would be the winner, but! Conductor ended up winning the award instead! The girl blamed herself for me losing, but I know it wasn't her fault. She left right after the ceremony, saying that she didn't want to cause me any more trouble."

"And then what did you do?"

"I went to check on her, of course! But I couldn't find her anywhere in the studio. I didn't see her until hours later when she and Conductor... Well, I'm sure you've heard it from her. I have no idea what she was doing during that time."

"And what were you and Conductor still doing at the studio at that time?"

"We were cleaning up after the ceremony. It's our job to pick up the place every night, after all. You can check the security camera footage if you need to."

Security cameras! That had to contain something to help the case! "Mr. Grooves, please show us this security camera footage," Snatcher requested.

An owl came into the room, pushing a TV on a cart that had a VHS player connected to it. A tape was put into the player, and soon the footage began to play. The scene that Grooves had described was clearly displayed on the screen, and the time was displayed as 7:30 PM. After K was seen leaving the studio lobby, the tape jumped ahead to 9 PM, in the hallways backstage. The screen was calm for several seconds, until the figure that had been described earlier ran by the camera: A girl wearing a hood. The footage of this moment was rewound and played several times. K decided it was time to speak up again. "Snatcher!" she whispered. "Doesn't something about this tape seem weird to you?"

"It sure does, kid," Snatcher replied, keeping his voice low. "That kid on the screen doesn't look anything like you." He then raised his voice to speak to the judge. "Your Honor, I have a request. May I ask that the footage be paused?" The 9 PM tape was played once more, only this time it was paused on the frame where the girl was on screen. "Take a look here. The girl you see on screen now looks nothing like Miss Kigurumi!"

"OBJECTION!!"

Clawson spoke up for the first time in a while. "If I may say so, Your Honor," he began. "This statement proves nothing! The defendant could have been wearing a disguise at the time!"

"He has a point, Mr. Snatcher," the judge responded. "And how can you prove that Miss Kigurumi wasn't wearing a disguise?"

Peck! He knew Clawson was going to press hard, but he thought he'd have it with the security footage! Well, he may not have been able to prove anything, but he knew someone else who could. "About that, Your Honor. The defense calls Mr. Conductor to the stand."

Conductor went to take his place, but there was a bit of a problem. ...He was much shorter than anyone had expected. The top of his head could barely be seen above the stand. Clawson placed a wing on his face. "Your Honor, may we please have something for the witness to stand on? A crate, maybe?"

Conductor had tried to be professional for today, but it was clear how much that statement infuriated him. If he'd had eyes he'd be glaring broadswords at Clawson. "I don't need any 'help'," he snapped. "'Specially not from yerself, ye posh, pretentious-"

The judge cut him off. "Mr. Conductor!" he exclaimed. "Kindly refrain from using profanity in this courtroom!" 

"I-I agree!" Clawson remarked, his feathers now visibly ruffled. "I object to the witness's sudden outburst!"

"Er-" Now that was a bit spooky. How did the judge know what he was about to say? Now speechless, Conductor simply stepped up onto the crate he was offered, though he didn't seem happy about it at all. The judge was even scarier than Conductor! Maybe that would make this easy.

"Ahem. Mr. Conductor," Snatcher began again. "Were you at Dead Bird Studios on the night of March 18th?"

"Yes."

Yes...? Was that it? "...Don't you want to make your testimony?"

"No."

The judge spoke once more. "Mr. Conductor. We must ask you to make your statement or be removed from this courtroom. We can not afford to waste time in a situation like this!"

"...Alright, fine!" Conductor finally responded. "Yes, I was there at the awards ceremony that night. But I know for a FACT that the little K lass didn't do it!"

As frightened as Clawson was, he had to say something here. "And how can you be so sure of that, Mr. Conductor?"

Conductor gave Clawson a look that could scare grass into growing faster, or at least he seemed to be. "If YE must know," he began. "She's caused us no trouble at all! She did agree to star in all the movies herself, and she even won me the Bird Movie Award! Can't imagine why she was so sad after I did, though. She was my star! And she's so much nicer to have around than that OTHER one."

What was he talking about? "What do you mean by 'other one'?" Snatcher asked. "Are you saying there was some girl other than Miss Kigurumi at the studio that night?"

"That's right," Conductor responded. "Bold little lass with a mustache. Always wearin' a red hood too. Every time I see her she's causin' some sort of trouble! Wouldn't be surprised if she's the one who caused all this mess!"

Now this was a surprising development! There was another girl in a hood who wasn't K! Grooves didn't know about all this because he was supervising K the whole night. Surely Conductor would recognize her if he saw her! "Mr. Conductor, would you kindly identify the girl in the security footage?" Snatcher asked.

"If it'll get ye out of my hair, sure."

Conductor turned to face the TV. Suddenly, it felt like all eyes were on him at this moment. The scene of the girl running through the halls was played once more, and paused on the frame where the culprit was in view. Though the footage only showed the girl from the side, Conductor could still tell clearly it wasn't K just by seeing one of her eyes. Suddenly his anger was set off once more-

"IT'S HER!! THAT MUSTACHE LASS, TEARIN' UP MY STUDIO!!!"

The crowd broke into shocked whispers, before the judge slammed down his gavel once more. "Order! I will have order in this court!" He barked, before addressing Conductor once more. "Mr. Conductor, you mean to tell me that the girl committing these acts of theft and vandalism are NOT the defendant? She isn't simply wearing a costume or something in this footage?"

"That's RIGHT, Yer Honor!" Conductor declared. "Take a look at that K lass again! It's just not possible to hide eyes like that!"

"My eyes?" K squeaked, suddenly feeling put on the spot.

Suddenly, a voice came out of the crowd. "He's right!" Another small girl pushed her way forward. She was about the same height as K, though she had pink hair and green eyes, and was wearing a white and red outfit, complete with a white beret and a pair of large round glasses. 

"Your Honor, what is the meaning of this?!" Clawson demanded. "I object to this sudden interferance!"

"Overruled," the judge snapped. "Let the girl speak." She wasn't in violation of any bird laws by doing so, so why not?

The girl removed her beret before continuing. "Your Honor, my name is Cooking Kid," she began. "And I would like to make a brief statement about K. Miss Kigurumi. You see, she and I are from a different planet. Where I'm from, our eyes are built very different from yours. Please take a look." She then removed her glasses and stepped closer so the judge could see her face. "We don't have pupils like people on this planet do. We just don't need them due to how our eyes are built. Now, you may notice that Miss Kigurumi's eyes are the same as mine. She has no pupils either!"

The crowd of onlookers began whispering again, and the judge suddenly widened his eyes more than he had all night. "Why, the girl is correct!" he exclaimed.

"OBJECTION!!"

Clawson spoke up once more. "Your Honor! How can you be sure the defendant isn't just covering up her eyes somehow? She could be wearing contacts!"

Luckily, Snatcher had an answer for that. "Miss Kigurumi is clearly wearing glasses, is she not? If she was wearing cosmetic contacts, she would still need to be wearing her glasses in order to see. The girl in the footage has no glasses. What benefit would Miss Kigurumi get from throwing away something intended to help her?"

The judge spoke once more. "Mr. Clawson, I believe we've heard quite enough," he snapped. "Mr. Conductor's statement and the evidence presented here today proves that this girl is not Miss Kigurumi. Therefore, I see no point in continuing this trial. Though we don't have the real culprit in this courtroom today... The court finds the defendant, Miss Kigurumi... Not guilty!" He slammed his gavel down one more time.

Not guilty! Whispers broke out from the crowd. The cat from before was now bursting into tears of joy. Clawson looked like he was going to pass out on the spot. Most importantly, Snatcher was looking smug and feeling rather proud of himself. He'd won the only case he'd gotten in centuries! As he turned to leave the courtroom, though, he suddenly felt something grab his arm. It was K! Tears were spilling out of her eyes, and she was hugging him! This was REALLY embarrassing. He tried to shake her off, but she wasn't letting go. He could feel his annoyance rising, but what could he do? "Kid. Kid!"

K suddenly snapped out of it, dropping Snatcher's arm like she was just holding a snake. "Ahh! I-I'm sorry!" she quickly apologized. Now realizing what had happened, she quickly ran out of the courtroom. Well, that was one problem solved, at least. Now he had one last thing to take care of.

(MARCH 23, 12:00 PM  
COURTHOUSE LOBBY)

Now standing out in the lobby, K was surrounsed by her friends. CK was still there, and so were Conductor and DJ Grooves. The cat was now crying her eyes out. The only people missing from this group were Clawson and Snatcher himself. Clawson was nowhere in sight, but Snatcher soon stepped out of the courtroom door. He made his way towards the group.

"Well done, kiddo," he said to K. "You're free to... Do whatever it is you do another day."

K stared at the ground for a few seconds. She knew what she had to say. "It's only thanks to you I was able to," she began. "There's got to be something I can do to repay you. Anything, really."

"Actually, kid..." Snatcher's usual wicked smile began to return. "There IS something you can give me in return for all this-"

Before he could finish, though, K was scooped up by the cat. "Oh, you poor child," she blabbered through her tears. "How could anyone ever accuse you of something so awful?"

K seemed to be embarrassed by this. "Um, Bonito..." she said to the cat. "Please don't cry in front of everyone..." She then turned her attention back to Snatcher. "Anyway? What was it you were saying?"

Peck. Now was the worst possible time to be stealing someone's soul. He didn't even feel up to it right now. What was the matter with... Well, EVERYONE? "Ah... Never mind, kid," he answered. "We'll discuss this later. But don't think I've forgotten about this. You owe me, kid." With that he vanished, seemingly into nowhere.

Well, that was weird.K still had no idea why Snatcher was helping her, and Bonito was still in tears. But actually, it had been a weird day, and she just wanted to go home now. "Uh... Bonito. If it's okay... I just want to go back to my ship," she said. "I can get there on my own, thank you." Bonito quickly got the hint and put K back down, and from there K was able to leave. Hopefully she'd be able to put all of this behind her one day. But for now, she still had time pieces to find, and a ship to get back to.


End file.
